She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
