And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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