my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
