I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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