I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is Oprah even human
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
