heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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