I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
