Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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