he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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