8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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