Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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