Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
