Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
