i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
