I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
