Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
