I just pynch a tree in the face
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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