Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
