also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
