he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
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We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras