i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldnâ€™t Be More Proud
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.