we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
