im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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