You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
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They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.