Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.