No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
thus making me awesome and them whores
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned