It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
