It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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