Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
