Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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