I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
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There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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