We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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