Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
