she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
