I cockslap morals
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
