You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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