I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
