This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
