birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
