that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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