i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
