can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
