I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My penis needs a shock collar
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
