do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
