she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I haven't been this sober since birth.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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