I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
