Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
