At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
