u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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