He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
