i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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