Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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