i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
