What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
