Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
