I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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