Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
