We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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