i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
