I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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