only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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