you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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