i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
