You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
