I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
