it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize