Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
