I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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