Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
