I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
