kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
