Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
