I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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