If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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