Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
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I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
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in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How naked do you want me to be?
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